"Breaking"

I wrote this one evening as I had reached my limit, dealing with my stressed husband trying to rush off to work, and dealing with my two demanding, screaming, sometimes downright abusive and mean to me children.

I know my kids are small, and I need to try to teach them to behave nicely, but that task is soooooooo overwhelming sometimes. How am I supposed to teach something that I don't always master so well myself? I try to cut myself some slack, and point out that any parent is only human, and we are all failable. But I still want to be the very best parent, person, and Dalyn that I can possible be!!! And that much stress is bound to make a person break down at times.

This was one of those times. Not only did everything seem like it was falling apart, but I felt trapped in this hostile situation. I even felt guilty for longing a bit to return to the days when I was a newleywed without children.

And all that stress,
hostility,
guilt,
longing,
pressure,
and overwhelming sadness,
is enough
to make anyone
feel like they are breaking
a little bit inside.



"Breaking"
By: Dalyn K. Roney

The pain is tearing me up inside.
The madness is forcing me to cry.
And the noise is screaming in my brain.

The tragedy of freedom past.
The insanity of chaos massed.
The anger and the torment never relent.

I feel the conflict eating me whole.
I sense the danger of losing control.
I fear the consequences unknown.

But I am at wit's end.
And I don't know where to turn instead.

I feel like I am breaking.

Puppy Dogs

After recovering from the shock that I was pregnant with my second child, I got excited about having another girl. I envisioned the baby dresses I could un-pack from storage. I purchased a pink Baby Book. After already having one daughter, I felt sure I could handle a second.

When I found out my second child was going to be a boy, I knew that things would be very different. I was entering un-known waters. But I tried to keep an open mind and get to work.

First, was to go through all the baby clothes and hand-me-downs. I boxed up what was "too girly", and set aside the generic stuff for baby two to wear.

I noticed right away that most boy clothes were either covered in sports themes, puppies, or dinosaures. I was even given an outfit with a dinosaure playing sports! (Which was my favorite outfit until he grew out of it...)

I like dinosaures, so that was good. I've never been very into sports, so I gave most of those items away. And then came the puppies....

What is it with boys and puppy dogs? I'm a cat person myself. My daughter had several cat themed outfits. But all the cat clothes seemed too girly for my son. So, I resigned my little man to having a few puppy things, but that was it.

Until he was born.
Then the puppies flooded in.

First was a fuzzy blue dog from the hospital gift shop with the words "My First Puppy" stitched on a paw. Too cute! So, that was a keeper. Then came more puppy clothes, more blue dogs, and even a miniature of Clifford, the Big Red Dog. Not only that, but any time my daughter came across a toy puppy she'd automatically hand it to her little brother (awe!), thus re-enforcing the puppy thing.

It was quickly apparent that it was out of my controle. Which turned out to be okay, since my son seems very athletic, and likes all the puppies. So I guess they are here to stay.

"For One Small Moment"

I wrote this for my husband one night...
I thought it was too tender to not share.
It's nice to show when we get along at times. *grins*

"For One Small Moment"
By: Dalyn K. Roney

For one small moment
Everything is right with the world.
The children are sleeping
And the husband is home.
We're lying in bed together
And he just holds me.
No one between us.
No children with their toys and blankets,
Or the cat with her fickle claws.
Just my husband and me
Snuggling close
Under the blankets.
He's already asleep.
But I'm content
To steal this moment
And fix it in my mind.
So, next time we're seperated
By Life's madness,
And the kids are all screaming,
And I look up to the Heavens
And think, "why me?",
Then I'll have this small moment
To remember how great it all is,
How worth it, and wonderful.
And even if I feel too lucky
That you love me
And I wonder, "why me?"
Out of everyone else on this earth.
I snuggle closer in your arms
And thank Heaven for this
One small moment
We have
Together.
*kiss*