From a journal entry:
I don't think I could possibly count the number of tears that have escaped from my soul. I doubt that I really have the determination and energy to really write about the thousand fractured thoughts jumping about my feverish mind. It isn't possible to make you fully comprehend.
But, probably, the most malignant reason for my heartache is the obscurity that I don't even know why I've reacted the way I have. There must be some unconcious horror being fought just under the blanket of my awarness.
I blame it all on the music and dim lamplight. The warm softness and beguiling intrigue of sleep blinding my gaze, so I drift into sleep.
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